The Wilderness

After the year 1999, which was a time filled, on and off, with Apocalyptic Expectation; there followed an extended period of reflection and exploration. I would spend a fair bit of time checking out the Religions and various Cults found in London. It was a time of incubation and an important formative period. I knew what I had to do with my life, the problem now was figuring out exactly how to do it.

The year is 2000, I was 30 years old and almost my entire adult life had been spent in a state of separation and alienation from normal society, the world of careers, child raring, mortgages and paying taxes. I now had it in my mind to come back into the world and share the things that I had learned. I was now on a mission to try to explain to the wider world this idea that a person’s true identity was really God and also that the prophecies found in the World’s religions were manifesting in present times. I was very fired up with zeal and enthusiasm for all the tasks that I wanted to accomplish, but at the same time my years of personal neglect and dysfunctional living, had left me inadequate with respect to the goals that I had set myself. For years, to the neglect of most other things, what had occupied my time was reading, writing, thinking and meditating. These activities defined my life from the time of leaving home to go to university right up to the time currently under discussion. So as a result of this I was quite unworldly and quite lacking in some of the basic skills required for modern living, such as waking up at a decent hour, being able to hold down a job and keeping appointments with people. There followed a period of preparation and training, where I identified the skills I needed and then set about to acquire them.

The first thing I needed to acquaint myself with was the world of Religion. If the purpose of my life was to communicate the truth about God then it was necessary for me to know what people thought about God and also what the World’s religions had to say on the matter. So from around the year 2000 onwards and also slightly before, I set about going all over London to join in with religious activities and also to talk with religious and culty people in order to discuss their beliefs and get to know what sort of people believed in what. In other words to get into the mind of the religious believer and see things from their perspective. I would visit churches, temples, mosques and the headquarters of various sects and cults or any religious Festival that I knew was going on in town. This field study was much augmented by book learning and the things I would read at any one moment would have correspondence with the places and religions that I was visiting during that time. So for instance, If I happened to be visiting a lot of Buddhist temples and meeting a lot of Buddhists then I would spend a lot of time reading Buddhist scriptures and also learn about the history of Buddhism from various sources. The religion or cult that I was investigating at any one time would focus my studies around relevant material and really helped to integrate all the facts in my head in a meaningful way. So these visits to Religious and Culty places allowed me to meet and discuss with the appropriate people, the things that I had read and which would be on my mind.

I had a definite idea of what the truth was i.e. that Everyone was God, and this was often not the same view that other religious people had. So these meetings would often degenerate into a debate when I would express my own religious views as reasonably and persuasively as I could. But of course my views were usually seen as quite heretical and abberant. However these discussions and meetings really aided my study of religion and gave me practice in talking about and presenting my viewpoint.

Another beneficial side effect of all these visits to the cults and religions based in London was that these sorts of places could be a great oppurtunity to get a free meal. It seemed to be a standard culty recruitment technique, i.e. feed them then indoctrinate them. Often because this was the underlying intent, the food could actually be quite good. So my genuine interest in Religion had the positive consequence of improving my diet as well augmenting my spiritual perspectives on life. I actually worked out that with detailed knowledge of the times during which free food was served by the various cults and religious organizations based in London, and a willingness to travel around a bit; then you could satisfy most of your nutritional requirements while at the same time hang out with religious or culty people. These were exactly the sort of people who were most interesting to me at that point of my life..

It was during this period of investigating into the nature of religion that I learned that the idea that everyone is God can be found at the heart of all the World’s faith traditions. This came about partly as a result of the fact that around this time I was trying to convince religious people of various faiths that their true identity was God. So in order to do this I had to learn about their faiths in order to communicate with them in a way that they could appreciate. This led me to systematically read up on the history and development of the World’s religions, which led to the following discovery. Almost without exception, a pattern repeated in the evolution of all the world’s religions is that the idea of a person’s true identity being God, was the seed and catalyst that would kick start and stimulate the formation of religion in the first place. A prophet would experience being one with God and it was this which was key to the initial formulation of religion. Then over the course of time this truth would be obscured, censored and suppressed so that later on this central idea behind all World religion would become forgotten and lost. Anyway, back to my story...

So I was preparing myself for what I had to do with my life which was to communicate to the world the idea that everyone is God and also that the prophesies of the World’s religions were manifesting in present times. I decided that a key skill I needed to get to grips with was how to implement websites and to learn how the internet and world wide web worked.

It was rather fortuitously and quite Synchronous that in the fall of 2000, I was put on a government run training program which taught unemployed outcasts like myself how to write HTML(which is an acronym for Hyper Text Mark-up Language), which is the script in which internet websites are written. Later after the course finished, I stayed on with the organization which ran the web design course working as a trainer. This enabled me to sharpen my web design skills. It also gave me a 9 to 5 routine of having to wake up at a decent hour and going to an office like environment five days a week. This helped my reassimilation into normal mainstream society. I think the process of trying to teach people how to create their own websites and explaining to them various aspects of how computers and the Internet worked was actuall a useful activity in gearing me up to later explain to people that they were God. This routine lasted about half a year into the Spring of 2001. During this time I also kept up my religious studies and also taught myself a lot about information technology, including things which I considered useful for my mission. This included new developments in IT that had occurred since I finished my degree in computing science some 10 years previous to this time. And so in this way I equipped myself with technological skills useful for communicating religious and mystical ideas.

At this point in my life there existed in me a terrific tension. There was a terrific gulf between my World changing aspirations on the one hand, and my day to day reality on the other. I was still nowwhere in this World. I had not really accumulated anything much tangible with my life. No assets, nor gained any status or any sort of recognition within wider society. I felt like a sort of loser, an underdog. Often during the day and early evening, my head would be filled with awesome thoughts, my mind would soar majestically in the realm of ideas and visions. But then this would be punctuated by a crashing fall when I came back down to earth to the reality of my physical circumstances and the life I was leading.

I recall that at around this time in my life I would entertain intense messianic thoughts. For instance sometimes I would think about mystical things, contemplate at length my true nature as God and this might lead me into thinking of doing Messianic things. Or lead me thinking that I was the Chosen one and had a special unique role to play in the proper unfolding of the World drama.

This Messianic undercurrent had already been a background feature of my life and make up. A year or so earlier in 1999, I had in the back of my mind anticipated that the Nostradamus Prophecy which predicted some happening in the July of that year, the awakening of the ‘King of the Mongols’, might involve something directly happening to me personally. However nothing transpired, yet still the belief clung to me that somehow in my life I would be playing some sort of instrumental role in the unfolding of the Prophecies. I suppose this messianic outlook would have partly come about through the mystical experiences of having become God that affected me so in the previous few years Also this attitude would have been due to the fact that even before my life had taken something of a religious turn, I was already embarked on an undertaking which I believed would have World changing consequences, i.e. working out how the brain worked and creating Artificial Intelligence. My intention and long term goal had always been to do something dramatic and important with my life. After the discovery that my real identity is God and my life taking on a decidedly Mystical and Religious orientation, then how I saw my role and purpose in this World, started to border on the Messianic with the occasionally complete crossing over.

Three things would conspire around 2000 to 2001 to make me think hard about Messianic matters. They were in chronological order, firstly watching the Matrix movie in the Spring of 2000, secondly a computer game called ‘Deus Ex’ which captured my attention in the Summer of 2000 and thirdly watching the TV adaptation of the Dune Trilogy books in early 2001. All three of these media influences had a very high Messianic content. The Sci Fi Movie and modern myth, The Matrix was about a Prophesized Chosen One who would save a World and release an enslaved people. The computer game Deus Ex involved a character who as the game progressed would hold the fate of the World in his hands and determine the future of the Planet. Finally the Dune TV series based on the books by Frank Herbert was a modern Myth set on another World, also involved Mystical experiences and a Prophesized Messianic character who would renew a World and bring about a better new order. I see in retrospect how these modern myths, two in the form of video media and the other communicated as a computer game, influenced me and inspired in me messianic thoughts.

The Storylines behind the Matrix Movie and Dune are quite well known and follow the classic Mythic as well as Apocalyptic archetypes. They are inspiring modern myths along the same lines as the Star Wars movie of the Lord of the Rings books and films. Whereas the game Deus Ex and the storyline behind it is not so well know and actually quite obscure so we’ll provide a quick summary here. The game is set in the future with a look and feel that was influenced by the Matrix film. The undercurrent of the game was one of conspiracy theories and a number of different groups vying for power and World domination. In this context the main character who was controlled by the player of the game had to work his way through this game world, learning about all the plots and sub plots, all the while gaining skills and abilities, as well as weaponry. Eventually through the twist and turns of the game storyline the main character, i.e. the player, would find himself at the centre of all the intrigues, at the heart of the World conspiracy and be in a position to determine the future outcome of history choosing one of several endings, one where he effectively becomes like a Messiah, another involving plunging the World into a state of Chaos and the other is where he helps a secret society to maintain their control of World events. All the endings are World changing.

It has been said that the interactive nature of computer games may have the effect of influencing people’s behaviour in real life. This may or may not be the case, but this particular computer game Deus Ex certainly served to accentuate certain attitudes and beliefs that I already had and would definitely have encouraged certain sorts of behaviours and thoughts of the Messianic variety. In particular I remember how one piece of dialogue in the game Deus Ex grabbed my attention and stimulated a lot of thinking. At one point in the game one of the central characters was talking about some of the motives and beliefs behind World Politics and described how, ‘The most Enlightened or Intelligent man will eventually seize the Eye in the Pyramid and remake the World for everyone else.’ /* Get the actual quote*/ I remember how this one piece of dialogue really caught my imagination. This will perhaps seem laughable to some people, the fact that I thought I was receiving deep and meaning messages from a computer game. Nonetheless it gave me an insight into what the unfolding of the Prophecies and a Messianic role might involve.

Reflections on the Eye in the Pyramid

The eye in the Pyramid is a recurring theme in the Conspiracy theory literature. It is widely seen to represent one vast world encompassing dominance hierarchy with the top of the pyramid, i.e. the Eye, being the overall point of power and apex of control. A symbol found on every US one dollar bill it is often associated with Freemasonry and the mysterious, perhaps completely fictitious, Illuminati. The pyramid is also associated with Masonic ‘Great work of the ages’, which some conspiracy theorists interpret as the building of a Tyrannical One World Order. So in one sense the building of the great pyramid is still a work in progress or the Great Work in progress. A crown for the jewel and a seat in which the eye may sit.

Reflecting on the state of the World, I saw a hierarchy of nested pyramids, each one a organizational hierarchy and all the pyramids of various sizes and scattered all over the planet. So for instance each country and its respective social and political structures would form a pyramid. In turn each of these societal pyramids would be made up of smaller constituents pyramids which might be various legal or political institutions and also perhaps corporations or other commercial entities. I also saw how these smaller constituent pyramids would become merged together in larger pyramids and also become encompassed within larger pyramids which had a wider scope. So Companies and Corporations would merge, and Countries would come together into trading blocks and other political confederations. Then I saw how this process would inevitably lead to the formation of a single all encompassing pyramid that spanned the entire World. I saw how the various forms that this pyramid might take and the various events which would lead up to its creation. For instance the final world pyramid might come about through a process of World War and the dynamics of dominance and submission. Alternatively a clandestine world conspiracy might bring about the world pyramid through some secret and cunning process. Else the World pyramid might gradually come about through processes deriving from feelings of mutual love and a higher understanding that might somehow come to permeate the World and its people.

Therefore I saw the emergence of the World Pyramid as something natural and inevitable. It was the exact nature of this global social, economic and political entity which was uncertain. Whether it would be a Dystopian One World Tyranny or a Utopian Global Village, a World without borders and one of justice, equality, liberty, compassion and love. I saw the formation of this World Pyramid as being something intrinsic to what the prophecies were all about and in my wild and unfettered mystical messianic imagination I supposed that I might one day play some sort of role in determining the outcome of the World situation and the Great Work, the World Pyramid.

I settled on the idea that it was role of the Messiah or Mahdi to somehow climb to the top of the World Pyramid as it was forming and as the last bricks were being put into place. Then to get himself or herself into a position whereby he or she could determine the final make up of the Pyramid and the nature of it. In a sense he or she would for a time seize the Eye, in a sense be the Eye, and be in a position to remake the World, rewrite Religion, Morality and completely re-order the affairs of humanity. In effect determine the future course of humanity.

Also I saw that in the mind of the Messiah a battle would be taking place and it was really the outcome of this internal psychological Cosmic Battle which was critical is determining the future course of the planet. This was the battle between Good and Evil but happening within the psyche of the person who was the conclusion of history and embodiment of the Zeitgeist or Spirit of the Age. If this battle was lost then the World would become an evil place. A ecology and environmental waste land, devoid of spirituality where religion in the hands of an evil Messiah has an instrument of total control, in a way that the some of the Roman Emperors and Muslim Caliphs of Old, could only dream of. Also a technological dystopia where the best of human invention is used to suppress, control and oppress. A total and perpetual One World Tyranny ruled by the bloodline of the Messiah and his chosen ones. I also saw that if this Cosmic Battle within the mind of the Messiah was won for the side of Good then a better and happier World would emerge and one that corresponded to what was described in the Prophecies of the Worlds Religion. The planet and World eco-system and environment would be saved, there would be a spiritual revival and values such as selflessness, justice, meritocracy, freedom and truthfulness would be revived and institutionalized.

So these sorts of thoughts were going round in my head at this point in my life. Unconstrained, unchallenged, ungrounded and uttery Messianic. So my head soared in these sorts of areas of consideration, but the reality of life was quite frankly pathetic. So as already mentioned there was a huge chasm between where my thoughts and aspirations were concentrated at this point in my existence and my quite unremarkable life.

The thought processes that go on in the mind of person gripped by this sort of Messianic mindset would be quite strange to most people. It is a state of possession, of being ‘possessed’. A form of divine insanity and would be quite laugable and ridiculous to folks who have never gone through it. At the same time, this mind set is accompanied by an incredible sense of self belief and a confidence which can translate into inspired work and prodictive thoughts if properly channelled and accompanied with a certain degree of discipline. In these states of mind the impossible was completely doable and the very difficult became completely natural. I remember during this time my attempts at understanding how the Brain worked and working out how to create Artificial Intelligence was making steady progress, propelled in part by these sorts of Messianic energies. I also spent a lot time thinking about how to go about trying to climb to the top of the World Pyramid. In retrospect these states of mind could be quite exhilarating, better than any drug, even better than sex. But they were tightly inter-mixed with states of despair and utter despondency. These would also be useful periods of critical reflection and a time to re-assess all the Messianic output in a different light. A psychiatrist would undoubedly diagnose Bi-Polar disorder and infer some kind of chemical imbalance in the brain. To me these states of mind were a completely natural consequence deriving from the experience of being God or having been ‘One with the Universe’. I also noticed that Sunshine and Caffeine would help to propel the Messianic upswings. Again, a psychiatrist would say Mania and over active Dopamine chemical systems in the brain. From the inside looking out, they were exalted states of mind bordering on the Sublime and straddling the Gates of Heaven, borderline mystical states in other words.

/* Unfinished 15/4/10 more to come */